Don't Buffer - Do It.

On our call this week, a client asked me if I thought the way she was planning to do something was the best way to do it.

I heard myself say, “Doing it is ALWAYS the best way to do it.”

It’s true, you know?

For the record, I’ve been:

  • A dreamer

  • A thinker

  • An OVERthinker

  • A chronic planner

  • A list-maker (God, I love lists. Love them.)

Y’all, I use spreadsheets for Thanksgiving and throwing parties. MULTIPLE spreadsheets. One for ingredients, one for timing of dishes, one for activities.

(By the way, THAT is a Certified Genius Move and I’m not apologizing for it, just…making it clear how like to I approach things.)

My point is, I love the pre-process of coming up with ideas and laying them out in the right order with the supplies all listed and all the steps timed.

There are many times when that’s the best way to take on a task.

Figure it all out ahead of time and lay out the details and then stick to them.

It’s great for time-based events like an opera or an intricate party, or, yes, hosting Thanksgiving.

But MANY things in life do not need this. most of them don’t even BENEFIT from it.

Yeah, sometimes my planning bites me in the ass. Like when I’m using it to avoid doing the scary thing I’ve said I’ll do, so instead, I…make a spreadsheet.

It’s SO EASY to take refuge in planning, and thinking, and “figuring out what’s best.”

But it doesn’t get anything done. And you can tell when you’re planning to streamline, versus when you’re planning to plan. You know it inside as soon as you give it any attention.

It feels like disappointment, because it is. It’s not going to lead to a result you like and your body knows it.

So this is my official reminder to you that the best way to do it is to DO IT.

Do The Thing.

Let it be wrong.

Let yourself fail.

Building a business? Let yourself fail.

Making new friends? Let yourself fail.

Working on your confidence? Let yourself fail.

Your WILLINGNESS and ABILITY to fail and move on from it are the skills that will get you where you want to be. Not doing it perfectly.

In short:

Try a new thing.

Fuck it up.

Suck it up.

Repeat as necessary.

Love you guys.

New Tool Tuesday - Belief Deposit Box!

Okay, I hope you read last week’s post on the Belief Bank, because this builds on that concept!

If you remember, the Belief Bank is the idea that when you want to achieve a goal, it’s like you’re opening a bank account for that goal, and you put belief in until you save enough belief to achieve it.

The Belief Deposit Box is similar - but instead of choosing beliefs for a specific goal, these are the most important, valuable beliefs you have. These are the mental version of your birth certificate and your passport; they’re things that you will turn to again and again throughout your life.

Many of us have accidental beliefs in our BDB. Things we were told or taught as children, lessons we learned form intense experiences - not beliefs we chose on purpose to guide and nurture ourselves, but beliefs that, when we look at them, don’t lead us to results that we like. Thoughts like “You can’t have everything,” “I’m just not a creative type,” “I’m not a lucky person,” “You can’t trust people,” may seem like they’re just facts, or good ways to stay safe, but they’re actually self-fulfilling prophecies. I promise you, no one ever embarked on a successful painting career by thinking about how they didn’t think they could do it.

It’s our duty to look hard at what we have in our Belief Deposit Box. Take everything out - feel in the back - vacuum the dust - and only put back the beliefs that truly serve you.

I am 100% lovable.

I can figure anything out.

The Universe has my back.

I deeply and completely love, honor, and accept myself, no matter what.

People are fascinating, and inherently doing their best.

I am always surrounded by blessings.

When you choose supportive, uplifting beliefs to base your life on, you’re setting yourself up for success. Deciding what you’re going to believe is true about you and the world around you, ahead of time, is one the most powerful practices you can possibly have - and when you practice it over and over, you increase the potency of this tool.

Choose your unshakable beliefs. What do you choose to believe about yourself? About the world? Other people? Select carefully - you can pick anything you want, so make sure it’s the best.

New Tool Tuesday - Belief Bank!

Hello, loves! My birthday was ten days ago - Happy (belated) Birthday to me!

As a present to me and you, I came up with a concept that’s really helped me understand mindset, and how to use it effectively.

I want you to imagine that when you have a new goal - be it making your next $5k (or your first), losing 50 pounds, or finding the love of your life - you open up a bank account for that goal. This is your Belief Bank.

Every time you choose to practice a thought that supports your goal, like “I’m learning how to do this,” I’m figuring it out,” “this is going to be fun,” you’re making a deposit in your belief bank. And every time you practice a thought that takes you away from it, you’re making a withdrawal.

When you can generate a feeling that goes along with it, like excitement, or commitment, or optimism, you’re making an even bigger deposit. And when you take action from one of those positive places - your deposit is even bigger.

Simple, right?

The only trick is that we don’t know exactly how much belief it takes to fill up the account - we just know what it will feel like: Certainty. When we actually believe, 100%, we’ll know it because we will HAVE that thing we’ve been dreaming of! And until then, we have to practice faith in the Belief Bank to do its work of saving up all the belief we generate.

I love the Belief Bank because it makes it so simple to understand why mindset is so important - why it’s vital to our goals that we consistently practice thoughts that serve us, and generate feelings that fuel us. It’s not just a pretty thing to do with your mind, it’s everything. When we look at the Model, our thoughts are the source of every result we create - so we want to make sure we like what we put in there!

The other really exciting thing about the Belief Bank is that when it gets to a certain amount, we can transfer some of that belief to another account - and when we get it high enough, we can even live off the interest! It’s so exciting.

Remember, every goal that you want to achieve is just a certain amount of belief away. Choose your thoughts on purpose, and build that account balance up!

New Tool Tuesday - Drama Tolerance!

Ah, drama.

As a former opera singer, I have a soft spot in my heart for drama. Tragic arias, comic duets, furious monologues - I love exploring the range of human emotion.

But now that I’m a coach, I can see how profoundly better my life is without drama in it. Sure, I still love a good rom-com, but when I’m doing anything worthwhile in my life, the drama that my mind gives me just isn’t a feel-good romp. For growth and happiness in any area, I’d much rather rely on the simple math of how to achieve the goal I’m committed to, and release as much drama as I can.

When I was thinking about my business lately, I realized that there’s actually a distinct connection between the amount of drama we tolerate and the amount of growth we achieve. For example, when I want to do something new in my business, say, sign 5 new clients, I can do the math on that - it means reaching out to people, meeting new people, talking about what I do, offering to help them, doing consults, creating invoices, scheduling, and so on. That’s a pretty reasonable set of tasks to accomplish.

Brain, however, that wants to keep me safely inside the cave and never leave, does not think this is reasonable. It does not want me to do new things or go out into the scary world and risk feeling vulnerable or rejected, so it will throw up as many blocks as it possibly can to those nice reasonable tasks. It will tell me I can’t do it, it’s too scary, I don’t even know where to begin, those people aren’t going to like me, are you really sure you’re good enough for this?, remember that one time in third grade you embarrassed yourself?…That was awful. It will do everything in its power to keep me from making those big scary changes to its safe little world.

When you’re first doing something new, like getting used to entrepreneurship, this drama cycle happens all the time. Since everything is new, everything is a threat to sweet little Brain, and it will throw a fit. And because we don’t expect it, we believe everything it says. (“I can’t? Oh, then maybe I’d better stop….this is scary…and yeah, I have no idea where to begin! I don’t know why I’m trying this. I should just go back to my office job.”)

As you get used to the ups and downs, you begin to understand that this is going to happen, and you don’t buy into the drama as much when it does. But still, every new level of growth will bring a flood of thoughts designed to stop you cold, and let Brain get back to napping and eating Cheez-Its.

Drama Tolerance means that you decide, ahead of time, that you’re not going to be available for those thoughts. It means that you deliberately choose to allow the thoughts to happen in your head and not listen to them one bit, because your service and your sharing are far too important to be stopped by any silly thought errors. Drama Tolerance is how you decide you’re moving to the next level.

You can never rise higher than the level of drama you’re willing to tolerate. The drama of where you are will always stop you, until you decide that you’re just not watching that show.

Take a good look at where your drama is coming in. It will show up anyplace where you have a goal that you’re not meeting yet - and it’s in all the “but I…” and “I can’t…” and “I don’t know how…” thoughts that you think are real.

They aren’t.

They’re just drama, performed by a few bad actors on a crappy set.

Change the channel, why don’t you?

New Tool Tuesday - False Feelings!

I was listening to my coach Stacey mention that women tend to say “I feel like…” and men don’t, and then I heard a client do it. I immediately understood what was problematic about that, and I’m so excited to share it with you.

When you say “I feel like…and then give an analogy, or a description, you’re actually saying a thought, not a feeling. But, since feelings are vibrations that are actually occurring in your body, you don’t question their validity - you just decide that they must be true.

This means that when you say “I feel like I wouldn’t know where to start,” what you’re doing is saying that you have the thought “I don’t know where to start,” pretending that you don’t have control over that thought, and then cutting yourself off from actually identifying or experiencing whatever feeling that thought causes. So you lose all the possibility of coaching, of taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, all because of a simple habit of speech that we’ve grown accustomed to.

To get out of this habit, just practice awareness of when you say “I feel like…” and correct yourself, out loud. “I feel like he’s not that great for her” becomes “My thought is that he’s not that great for her, and that thought makes me feel doubtful.” This way, instead of believing and behaving as though your thoughts and feelings just happen to you, you’re taking total ownership of them. It’s a simple shift, but profound.

New Tool Tuesday - Metafeelings!

I talk a lot about feelings with my clients. Feelings and thoughts are the backbones of our lives; they dictate our actions and our results, and the experience we have throughout the days and years.

One of the things my teacher Brooke talks about is accepting our feelings. I’ve noticed that, for me, it’s helpful to actually look at this as a second level of feelings - our Metafeelings. These are the feelings we have about our feelings, and they’re caused by our thoughts just the same, but they’re fortunately much simpler to think about. There are pretty much only two - approval and disapproval.

When you have a thought, say “I did something wrong,” and it causes you to feel shame, that’s a pretty simple equation. What gets us into additional trouble is when we think we shouldn’t have that shame; we so often reject it, or try to cover it up with overthinking, overeating, overdrinking, overanything. That means that our feeling of shame is compounded by our Metafeeling of disapproval for that shame - and it just makes us feel (and act) worse…usually creating more shame for ourselves. Not a pretty picture.

The way we can release ourselves from this cycle is to practice approval of our human emotions. Remember, every emotion in this human life is a perfectly acceptable emotion to feel, and we’ll have 50% negative and 50% positive, no matter what. Choosing ahead of time that every emotion is an okay one to experience will set you free from arguing with them; this isn’t just about choosing only pretty, easy feelings so everything is perfect all the time, it’s also about embracing the pain and fear and discomfort of being a human.

As the Buddha says, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. When we feel pain, and we judge it or fight it, we cause suffering. That’s all it is - a Metafeeling.

The question is, are you willing to start practicing approval of all your feelings? Allowing them to exist in your body and sending yourself love no matter what? Love for the shame, for the fear, for the doubt, for the resistance, just as much as for the joy and love and ease?

Accepting and approving of your feelings doesn’t mean you don’t keep choosing and generating ones you like the best. It just means that when others come up - you’re okay with it. You don’t have to fight, you don’t have to run, you don’t have to buffer with food or drink or video games. Just allow the feeling to be in you and decide you love yourself anyway.

Thought Work vs. Energy Work?

One of the things I think about a lot is how to reconcile thought work with energy work.

I love them both. They’ve both changed my life. They also seem like they don’t go together at all - woo and logic? - but they absolutely do.

Let me explain.

Anytime you’re working with energy, you’re working with subconscious thought. It’s packets of vibration that we can look at and understand, but that exists before we usually identify it using words.

Subconscious thoughts are still thoughts, but they’re just under our normal level of awareness. When we read a horoscope and it resonates, that’s because our energy (our subconscious thoughts) are aligned enough with it that it matches.

The interesting thing is that doesn’t mean it’s true; it means it doesn’t contradict our energy enough that we feel that it’s “off.” So if you believe that whatever your horoscope says is going to happen, you’re aligned with literally whatever it says.

The important thing to note here is that energy work is NOT dictating what we are GOING to think or feel, or what’s going to happen; it’s reflecting to us what we ARE thinking or feeling, currently.

We are still always in charge of our thoughts, and through those, our feelings. It’s still our job to become aware of our thoughts and then interpret and manage them in a way that serves us.

This is a huge distinction. So often in empathic circles, we’re taught to believe that we need to follow an astrologer or a psychic to find out what’s going to happen to us. That’s disempowerment, and it’s not true. You can absolutely take charge of your own trajectory, and not lose a smidge of your beautiful sensitive nature.

Your feelings are YOUR feelings

Empaths or Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) tend to have a lot of feelings. We notice subtleties more, we pick up on what others don't, and we often feel overwhelmed by the feelings other people are having, taking them on as our own.

But did you know that you can never actually feel someone else's feelings?

I've been an HSP all my life; I got told I was "too sensitive" ALLLLL the time.

My New Venture & FREE Coaching Opportunity

Hello friends! I wanted to make a quick announcement about the new direction I’m going in with my coaching, and about a very special offer I have available for FREE coaching from me. Here’s a post I wrote about it - I hope to hear from you soon!

Are you sensitive? Do you feel other people’s energies almost as clearly as your own? Do you find yourself overeating - even against your will - to deal with the intensity of emotion you have on a daily basis? 

I get it: I’ve always been sensitive, I’ve always loved food, and I carried an extra 15-20 pounds my entire adult life. I’ve spent hours eating mindlessly to buffer the anxiety I felt from the energy of everyone around me and all the stressful news in the world (not to mention my own emotional baggage). 

Then, to combat the weight I’d gained, I spent other times obsessing about food so I could keep my weight controlled - sort of. It was exhausting, and I spent hours focused on food and exercise and beating myself up instead of doing things I actually wanted to DO with my life.

Now, look: I love my body. I learned to love it then, and I love it now. It was hard at times, but I did my best to stay focused on the good - how capable and fun and beautiful my body was despite our disagreement about how much she should weigh. ;-) 

Unfortunately, body positivity alone didn’t change my weight even ONE pound. I still always weighed a little more than I wanted, and I never felt like the woman in the mirror was the real me. My weight was “normal” enough, though, that no one ever believed I could have an emotional eating problem. And I STILL kept feeling all those damn feelings, and kept overeating to give myself some sort of relief.

What changed was when I finally learned (and applied) the tools I needed to set proper energetic boundaries and manage my thoughts, so I could stop wanting food SO DAMN MUCH. Seriously: I actually just desire food way, way less now. It’s not the answer to any of my problems (except regular ol’ physical hunger), and when I eat, it’s just to fuel my body.

I’ll be honest with you: being skinnier is awesome! I’m super close to my natural weight, which I now know is even lower than I could have dreamed. I already weigh as little as I did when I started high school, and although I still have eight pounds to go before my new, improved goal, I feel better and lighter than I have in years. AND, I fit into my skinny jeans without feeling like an overstuffed sausage! 

But. The BEST part is actually not that I’m thinner - it’s the quiet in my mind around food. When I manage my mind, I NEVER have to debate with myself about what to eat. When I’m stressed or tired or hungry, I don’t argue with myself about carbs. I just eat what I planned to eat, when I planned to eat it, and that’s it. About once a week I eat a joy meal (also planned), then I go back to my regular eating. There’s no more drama, no more negotiation, no more beating myself up, and no more obsessing. It’s just…quiet. 


It’s amazing.

If you want to feel that quiet too, fill out this application for the FREE (yes, free) 6-week Weight Loss for Empaths program ( -this version is free, and it’s a limited time offer.) 

I’ll teach you the tools you need to stop eating your feelings (and other people’s), set healthy emotional boundaries, and lose the extra weight you’ve been carrying once and for all. 

I’m offering this for FREE to 10 people because I’m preparing both my personal weight loss coaching technique and this specific program for launch. I’ve been a spiritual coach and intuitive for over three years, so I’m already a very good coach. But I want to be sure that my weight loss coaching is also at the absolute highest level I’m capable of, so I’m launching a test round. 

You should know, though, what I’ll be teaching you has been tested by my own coach over 14 years, and it’s hands down the best coaching AND weight loss method I’ve ever come across. I’ve been doing self-help literally since I was seven years old, so I don’t say that lightly. If you apply this work, it WILL change your life. 

So that’s what you’ll be getting: my best coaching, my love and attention, and the most incredible tools in the world, to help you lose the weight you want and keep it off, permanently. I’m going to knock your socks off so you give me amazing testimonials and so you can keep blowing your OWN mind with what you can accomplish. And yes, it’s FREE. So…take me up on this crazy-good offer before it fills up! 

If you’re ready to permanently change your weight, your mind, and your life, fill out this application by Wednesday, December 5: I’ll be accepting 10 women who are dedicated to doing the crap out of this work! 

Please get your application in now. Do NOT wait. If you’re tired of the drama around food and feelings, I want YOU to have this amazing opportunity to change your life, for good. Here’s the link again: Let’s do this.