New Tool Tuesday - False Feelings!

I was listening to my coach Stacey mention that women tend to say “I feel like…” and men don’t, and then I heard a client do it. I immediately understood what was problematic about that, and I’m so excited to share it with you.

When you say “I feel like…and then give an analogy, or a description, you’re actually saying a thought, not a feeling. But, since feelings are vibrations that are actually occurring in your body, you don’t question their validity - you just decide that they must be true.

This means that when you say “I feel like I wouldn’t know where to start,” what you’re doing is saying that you have the thought “I don’t know where to start,” pretending that you don’t have control over that thought, and then cutting yourself off from actually identifying or experiencing whatever feeling that thought causes. So you lose all the possibility of coaching, of taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, all because of a simple habit of speech that we’ve grown accustomed to.

To get out of this habit, just practice awareness of when you say “I feel like…” and correct yourself, out loud. “I feel like he’s not that great for her” becomes “My thought is that he’s not that great for her, and that thought makes me feel doubtful.” This way, instead of believing and behaving as though your thoughts and feelings just happen to you, you’re taking total ownership of them. It’s a simple shift, but profound.